All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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