cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Randomize
