I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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