I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Shitshow foam night was such a success
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Randomize
