Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
