her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Randomize
