Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
