that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
A+ Viking dick
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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