screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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