I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Randomize
