just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
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