and you said cock pushups were impossible
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
