I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
