Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
