Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Drake has all the answers
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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