There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
whose parrot is this?
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Randomize
