yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
