p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
