Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
50% drunk capacity currently
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Randomize
