I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Are we in a gay sports bar?
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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