I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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