Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Randomize
