Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
