i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
