As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
