wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
