just come out here and I will go home with you...
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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