You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
