i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
