I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
