I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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