can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Randomize
