Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Randomize
