6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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