Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize
