Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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