her vagine was all disorganized.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
