What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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