I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
