We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
