Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Is it because I queefed?
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
