i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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