When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
