I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I am one with the molecules
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
