I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
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