just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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