Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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