I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Randomize
