I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
she woke up with a sticky ear
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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