I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Never joke about your clitoris.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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